The buffer needs a buffer, too
So maybe you just caught me in a bad mood. Blame it on the hormones, that time-of-the-month thing. But you know what? I’m getting tired of hearing everyday rants, petty complaints of the humdrums of your life, or the sick cycle carousel you’re into.
But guess what? I’m in it, too. The only difference is I learn to live with it. "The serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
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For the past 20++ years of my life, I’ve always tried to be a good listener. When my friends have problems, I’m there to hear them out. When my mom complains on the smallest things, I hear her out. I’ve learned how to become someone else’s shock absorber. It makes me learn more about the person, his/her experiences, thoughts and feelings. Somehow, I feel that it gives me that sort of connection to that person, and eventually earn his/her trust. I guess I try to be a good person thru listening.
Thing is, when you keep on doing the same thing for years without having someone to listen to you, somehow it gets to you. Right now, I feel like a soiled blanket. And in my head I’m screaming "I can’t take it anymore!"
For all the times I’ve lent an ear, I now wonder who’s gonna lend me his/hers. You know the feeling that everything’s just bottled up inside that I wanna let it out and there isn’t anyone around that I can share it with? That’s what I’m feeling right now. I’m not craving for attention; I just want to share what’s going on inside. I need a release. And somehow doing it alone isn’t helping.
Good thing there’s this online journal. Accessible. I can put what I want here. Hmm, I guess even though it’s not human, the computer makes me feel that I’m not alone.
Oh, right. There might be someone who’s reading it. So that makes him/her my buffer then. Hah.
