A day in the life…

Last night I saw my sister tinkering with the Pinnacle. She was making a slideshow for one of her administrative heads (name withheld upon my own preference… kilala ko kasi) about their trip to Iloilo last February… which of course included a stay in Boracay.

It was, for the lack of a better term, "interesting." Interesting in a way that most of the pictures of the slideshow were pictures of them enjoying Bora, and that the script was about being "in awe as they marvel the creation that laid before their eyes" and "the plethora of nature" et cetera. Hmm, never thought going to Boracay would suddenly make them speak like Browning or even Webster.  Makapunta nga doon, baka mag-improve pa yung vocabulary ko, kailangan sa trabaho e. Good thing my sister altered a few (very few, in fact) lines from their seemingly-poetic slideshow. Sabi ko nga e, madre ba ang gumawa nito?

Well, aside from that, they also went to the province’s national high school for some immersion. That’s why, according to my sister, their trip was called "Lakbay-Aral sa Panay Island," or in short, LAPIS (coined by a teacher whose name is, again, withheld upon my own preference kasi kilala ko rin). In fairness, it was an okay name for that trip.

Following this line of thought, my sister came up with a fictitious future project for these educators (her now-erstwhile employers, yehey!) who want to immerse in an educational system outside their institution. This would entail, though, a much bigger budget since they’ll be flying outside the Philippines. She calls it "Lakbay-Aral sa Singapore," or in short, LASING.

Oh well. She’s my sister, all right. No doubt about that.

So maybe you just caught me in a bad mood. Blame it on the hormones, that time-of-the-month thing. But you know what? I’m getting tired of hearing everyday rants, petty complaints of the humdrums of your life, or the sick cycle carousel you’re into.

But guess what? I’m in it, too. The only difference is I learn to live with it. "The serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

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For the past 20++ years of my life, I’ve always tried to be a good listener. When my friends have problems, I’m there to hear them out. When my mom complains on the smallest things, I hear her out. I’ve learned how to become someone else’s shock absorber. It makes me learn more about the person, his/her experiences, thoughts and feelings. Somehow, I feel that it gives me that sort of connection to that person, and eventually earn his/her trust. I guess I try to be a good person thru listening.

Thing is, when you keep on doing the same thing for years without having someone to listen to you, somehow it gets to you. Right now, I feel like a soiled blanket. And in my head I’m screaming "I can’t take it anymore!"

For all the times I’ve lent an ear, I now wonder who’s gonna lend me his/hers. You know the feeling that everything’s just bottled up inside that I wanna let it out and there isn’t anyone around that I can share it with? That’s what I’m feeling right now. I’m not craving for attention; I just want to share what’s going on inside. I need a release. And somehow doing it alone isn’t helping.

Good thing there’s this online journal. Accessible. I can put what I want here. Hmm, I guess even though it’s not human, the computer makes me feel that I’m not alone.

Oh, right. There might be someone who’s reading it. So that makes him/her my buffer then. Hah.

It’s been 40 days since I last saw you. Almost two months since we greeted you a happy birthday. Way before that were the office phone calls, funny punchlines, silly songs, Jpop dances, Japanese girls and anime discussions while we sat a seat apart.

Never thought going back to your lola’s house last Saturday would bring back lots of happy and sad memories.

We’re good, as you can see. Still working our asses off. And still missing you.

Only a few were there, I know you understand. But those who weren’t there physically were praying for you, dude.

We know you’re happy there. Pa-tumbling-tumbling ka na lang dyan siguro. Nagbabantay sa pamilya mo, lalo na sa mommy mo, she told us some stories of your "visits."

Some of us have had that opportunities of seeing you in their dreams. Teka, ako hindi mo pa dinadalaw sa panaginip ko. Hehe! Okay kung mapapanaginipan kita at makapag-usap tayo. Wag ka lang mananakot, ha?

But really, I want to thank you for the little miracles and tinges of inspiration (I have a feeling you had something to do with the cellphone thing). Sorry for always calling on you. I must’ve been taking much of your time. But you got lots now, I know. Ayoko lang mang-abuso.

Pero last na, just like what Fluxx said, put a good word for me in Heaven, too. I might be needing that. But I’ll start trying to be a better person, dude.

Till then, see you somewhere, sometime.