Acceptance
Since Tuesday last week, I had been in a rollercoaster of emotions. I felt too fragile that I easily break down. Maybe because it had something to do with the loss of a friend.
I was very much affected, yes, because he kept our hopes high. He made us look forward to something, but that something was not meant to be. Yes, I was really upset — sad and angry at the same time — because everything came crashing down in an instant.
That was why Friday evening, I was getting ready to cry my heart out. We went to Almanz’s wake in Bulacan. We met his mom (such a brave woman) and went to the living room where he was. At first, I didn’t want to look at him because I couldn’t and I was afraid I’d cry again. But when I got to look at him, seeing him in his coffin, I felt… light. He looked peaceful, he didn’t look like he was in pain or anything. I just shed a tear or two, as I remembered his promise of coming with us this summer. And believe me, I was waiting for me to really burst out crying. But no, instead I felt like smiling. The feelings I had since Tuesday seemed to have evaporated.
I told my sister about this the next morning. She said, "Baka na-comfort ka niya noon." Maybe, because I remember Almanz’s mom telling us that when they were having mass at home, her inaanak, who had a third eye, saw him there, smiling. Maybe he did make me feel okay when I was there. Maybe he wanted me to be happy for him because he’s in a happier place.
I still miss him, we all miss him. There are times I feel sad because we won’t be seeing him again, we won’t be hearing his jokes and his laughter. But I guess he’s doing great there in heaven. Like what Fluxx said, "Nakakapag-tumbling na yun ngayon sa langit." He probably is making all the angels there laugh their hearts out with his wit and his jokes.
I told his mom that night that Almanz promised he’d go with us on our summer vacation. She told us that maybe he will. Hmm… why not?
Wag ka lang manakot, please. 
